Unintentional hermit.

8 Dec

Yup.  I am an unintentional hermit.  I was speaking to my friend the other day, let’s call her Connie as that is her name.  Sometimes I use first initials:  i.e. i was talking to ‘C” – cause that feels kinda fun. And there is a smaller chance then say of being sued.  But I think Connie gets her name spelled out or, hmmm, Con-ski as I like to call her.

Connie is a fellow refugee from our former workplace.  She’s been off 4 weeks longer than I  have as she took holidays before she got laid off.  Long story, lay off was uncertain and the like.  Don’t blame her!  She’s fabulous.  Our phone conversations often start like this:

“CONNSKI!!!!!!  I AM NEVER EVER GOING TO FIND A JOB!!!!!!!!  I will have to live on the street.”

“No way, Karen. You are fabulous.”

“Oh, okay, I feel better.  Do you have any gossip?”

Fun all around.

Anyway, somehow we got on the topic of whether we were introverts or extroverts.  I told Connie I figured she was an introvert.  She was quite shocked – told me I was right and that no one ever guessed that correctly about her.  Well, yeah, I am just that sensitive about the depths of people’s souls.  Not really. 

Connie it seems is happy and content and other words with basically the same meaning to spend hours and hours alone.  It feeds her, well, soul.

Me?  I generally get energy from being around people.  I like the hanging out and the eating cinnamon buns and the card games and and the chortling and the snortling.  The crying.  The sobbing.  The blaming.  Oops, I’m back to the soaps again. 

Being unemployed, I am naturally spending a whole lot more time alone.  I’ve come to not mind this in some ways.  I probably talk more to myself than ever (also in public now, sheesh) but, you know, slow times.  But ultimately, all of this time at the hermitage is not that great for me.

Take today.  I worked on my wee freelance article!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, my resume, looked on the internet for jobs, sighed, walked to the grocery store, walked back, watched tv, looked up parts of old episodes of Guiding Light online (okay, yeah, Ricky Paul Goldin is way too good of an actor for the soaps.  His good acting served to amplify the weaker acting of some of his compadres), surfed the net, read, took out the garbage, went to the bathroom a few times, etc.

Now tonight is my wee United Church bible study that I generally enjoy.  While the bible annoys me (I hope I am not alienating part of my fan base here, not my intention)  I love learning about the history, the original Hebrew meanings and the like.  Fascinating little facts that honestly keep me from not reading the book at all.  And it’s only a 7 minute walk from my house.  But, my hermit bred more hermit and I didn’t go.  Part of this has to do with as I said before not sleeping too well but part is just that I haven’t really been outside all day and it feels like a rather large effort.  In fact, even thinking about how I would be around people and have to be, like, I don’t know, nice, seems too much of an effort.  I kinda equate it to when you haven’t worked out for awhile and then you do again, for the first few minutes you may feel like you are having a heart attack/stroke/seizure/near death experience/Delhi belly/seasickness/paralyzing muscle cramps/delirium/alcohol poisoning or that you’ve just eaten a whole lot of credit cards.  It takes awhile to break into the whole thing again.  But once you do, well then it feels good.

The thing is, I need more people in my life in general and more people who are also free during the day to, of course, discuss job search and only job search.  With the allotted lunch hour, there would be Scrabble say.  Or old episodes of Guiding Light watched together, that kind of thing.  Does allotted have two ‘ts’, it looks wrong. 

The lovely minister who I’ve mentioned before, Beth, of my wee United Church (she also gets her full first name), was talking last week about and I think I may have mentioned this already, how it is good to be happy for the happy happy of others.  But Beth, I argued (not while she was actually speaking to everyone on Sunday) can the less happy joy joy be happy for the happy?  I think she just looked at me and then away and then looked at me, her mouth hanging just a bit open.

A small example she gave on Sunday was those Christmas letters that some people send out with month by month descriptions of their happiness. “This month our son Bobby won a scholarship to Harvard and quietly split an atom.”  Or “In March,  I got married on a beach in Hawaii on the most beautiful and sunny day ever recorded in Waikiki.  Our million dollar lottery win really helped to make the day special as did Desmond Tutu’s performing the ceremony.”  (Examples mine, not hers). 

Her example was about people talking about their trips to Europe, where she has never been.  Again, it was just a tiny example in her whole talk.  But that one stuck with me. I’ve been to Europe four times and have been lucky enough to have gone to Paris twice, to Turkey and etc.  And I thought, how annoying would it be if someone said to me, “It’s not fair that you got to go to Europe four times, nah, nah, nah, nah and finally, nah.”

Sometimes it is the small things.

Tomorrow I really must exercise.

One Response to “Unintentional hermit.”

  1. B December 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm #

    I think that the concept of happy happy is entirely overrated. I’m all for a little bit of happy … in small pieces … of course. After all, do you really want the brain freeze that comes from gorging on happy happy? Far better to hope for a some ironic happy. Or perhaps some happy irony. Or you could go all the way and do the happy neurotic thing. There’s a book about that and it’s written by a local author. http://www.thehappyneurotic.com You can get the book from the library. I KNOW you knew THAT ALREADY. I’m just helping you to avoid the happy happy.

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