Hard to stop

11 Mar

Because it is how my brain works (or dysfunctions, let’s be honest).  Deep grooves in my brain that I can’t just talk my way out of.  Ended that sentence with a preposition.

The corporation keeps making mistakes with the T4 – an amended one, then the wrong one sent out to me again and still Revenue Canada has received not a thing.

Don’t you know, I can’t help e-mailing the Vancouver guy, that your company is incurring fines daily.  I returned tonight to an e-mail from a Eunice in Toronto who assures me in broken English that they are now sending out my amended T4.   She hopes it is correct, she says.  Have a good day, she says.  I think Eunice is new, brought in at the eleventh hour.

My mind is so on this – on the absurdity of it all and the circus that is has become.  The corporation has apparently sent out T4s stating that some employees who didn’t even work there in 2011 made $16,000 in 2011.  My mind gobbles all of this up. 

But it’s not good for me – I need to focus on more positive things because all of my free floating anger is going toward the corporation and it doesn’t damage them, just me.  All of my righteous anger, my scoffing. 

This is how my brain works.  These are the grooves and the beats it knows.  Sometimes it just gets stuck in the mud, spinning its wheels.  I have some friends who understand this because their minds get stuck as well – differently but they understand.

“Get a subtotal,” I repeated, vaguely obsessively to my pal Tracy when we were at Costco.  She’s gotten in trouble for letting other people use her card so she has to pretend all the items are hers and then I pay her back.  Silly, it seems to me but she seems genuinely afraid.

“Get a subtotal.”

She looked at me, dead serious.

“Stop talking.”

“That’s a bit rude,” I said.

“Stop talking,” she repeated.

After, while she ate a hotdog, she explained again how the Costco people have warned her.

“One more time and I’m out,” she said.

The rhythm of my mind – to push the music analogy too far, had a chorus of ‘get a subtotal.’  It drives me nuts when other people do this because I know it is rooted in anxiety.

“It’s like I was touretty,” I say to pal Glenda later.

“More  OCDee,” she said.

I am so lucky to have people who get me.

My T4 obsession will resolve but it will take longer to clear the corporation from my mind.  Working on it.

Speaking of work, I have two weeks left!  Only!  Eeek.  Best job ever really.  Went to the Lonsdale Quay with the students on Friday.  Too bad it was raining as the seabus ride wasn’t as glorious as it can well be.  But I think they liked it.  Waaaaaay better than the too difficult Reiki talk from earlier in the week.  Next week we’re going on a Save-On Foods (on campus) guided nutrition tour and next Friday, bowling.  They perked up at the idea of bowling.  Five pin.  Groovy.

And yes, wee, fan base, my typos will continue.  Oddly, I’m not obsessive about not having them.  And that’s okay.

Move the clocks forward one hour tonight folks.  The spring is a-coming.


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