Hello.

3 Apr

How are you?  How are things?  What’s new?  Are you stil having phantom pain from where your newly amputated foot used to be?

Phew. I’m keeping my ‘hello’ gambits from getting rusty.

Hmmm, I want to keep my wee blog active but I’m not feeling that creative at the moment so I don’t have much to say!  Hmmm.  I’m, as always, struggling with the lack of routine and the general inertia that is resulting.  In an attempt to counteract said inertia, I did go for a long bike ride yesterday which was nice (and challenging).  There was a bit o sun yesterday but today and for the rest of the week it is to be cloudy and raining.  This, I have to say I have to say, does not so much help my inertia.

After the bike ride, I came home and felt inert again but convinced myself to go to my writers’ group.  It is ALWAYS a good thing for me to be out amongst people instead of holed up in my little abode.  I’m kinda freaking out (me?) thinking that I will never actually get a job again.  I’m applying and am on some sub lists etc. but still the days are long long and long.  And they are long.  Should I move?  Should I change cities?  I don’t know.  I do know I have way too much time to think.

The corporation is still open, oddly enough and apparently picking up more students for the summer.  It’s been a hellish ride there the last 6 months I’ve heard, with firings and all sorts.  Folks are beaten down.  And yet, they are still employed so good on them.  And if my blog can make just one of them feel better about still being employed there, then I will have done my duty, ha.  I think I blew my chances of going back there to sub (EEEK!) when I wrote at one point to the boss, “I honestly don’t know how you in good conscience can continue to work at the corporation.”  This was during the whole T4 fiasco (which still may be unresolved).  And really, cheques are still bouncing and other, uh, interesting things are still happening so I know I must be way down to even be thinking about them.  I’m not though, not in any serious way.  I think I still pine for the salad days there when the money was flowing, there were crossword puzzles at lunch and etc.  But I remind myself again and again that it is no longer like that, that many many good people have now gotten fired so that the new owners can save money and screw up T4s and that for the last 3 or 4 years I was bored out of my mind on the job.  These are things I’ve written againn and again so sorry to bore you, wee fan base!  Really, I’m just trying to give myself a bit of a pep talk more than anything.

“Take  up a new sport,’ texted an acquaintance.  “Volunteer.”  Yes, yes, true true.  The thing is, I actually need a job, a little income.  Hmmm, a lot of income.  And regularly please and thank you.  Uh yes, back in September! when I got laid off I was filled with hopes of getting a writing job, of changing careers and the like.

Kerplunk.

Gak. (R. used that in his story last night so I’m cribbing it.  I do like that word, ‘gak’.)  GAK.

I’m realizing that for now, I’m needing to stay in the boundaries of ESL-ness.  Although I did apply for a great short term writing contract job last week but . . . cyberspace black hole.

So I’m sending out the old resume to some places and seeing what pops up, while still looking into other kinds of work.  I’m exercising regularly darn it and that kind of thing and I’m trying to do all of this through the inertness of it all. 

Mind you, I don’t want to write a depressing blog about my depression.  That’s depressing.  I’ve read blogs like that and wowza they are painful to get through.

I need to get back to thinking about the Masters in TESOL and such like that. 

The thing is, while I’m inert, I am also anxious about it all.  Some folks just get the feeling like a lump part without the anxious part.  That seems a bit easier to me. Although really it is the anxious energy that keeps me from must lazing about all day.

I am going to actually go to the mindfulness meditation later this morning instead of just thinking of going and then making an excuse not to go. And then I have a doctor’s appointment in North Vancouver in the afternoon so excitement all around really.  Ha.

Tomorrow I’m going to see E.  We reconnected on FB after years of not seeing each other but when we were on the phone yesterday it was like no time had passed at all.  Nice.  And Thursday I’m going to see Maggie May and her wee ones!  That sounds like a band but it is not. 

Sigh.

What else?  Oh!   the Mormons, it seems, have their very own Youtube channel!  I may have mentioned how I am obsessed with (but  never want to be obviously) Mormons and their Mormonism! but in an ironic way.  What a treat!  They’ve just had their national convention or whatever it is called and some of the (all male, all middle-aged, all tie-wearing) speakers are on youtube!  SO BORING!  I couldn’t get through even one speech.  I can only imagine that some Mormon heads in the audience were nodding off.  It was like, ‘blah blah, ‘monotone, ‘blah blah blah, I am one of the 12 chosen to be the new apostles blah blah blah.’  Now the blog, Modern Mormon men, that is way better.  Mormon men (and women, oddly) write about contemporary things as they try to be contemporary I guess.  La la la, so intriguing!

the Mormon missionaries never come to my apartment building, which is too bad.  Years and years ago they knocked on the door of a house in North Van. I was living in at the time.  I was the only one home (probably another unemployed stint) and I remember I was wearing shorts and drinking a Slurpee.  Must have been summer.  I invited them in then proceeded to ask about spirit babies and the ‘mark of Cain’ on African Americans and how they weren’t allowed into the priesthood until 1978.  My mistake is that I questioned the more experienced of the two young men, instead of the trainee.  Twas fun really.  Oh, yes, that house in North Van.  It was a quasi Christian community and rent was cheap.  But really, it was the owner’s home and she invited whoever she wanted to live there, even for awhile that sex offender guy who was like a son to her.  Her boundaries were all askew but she was sweet and had a lovely house an garden.  Oh to have cheap rent again!

I just need like a benefactor who will pay me $2000 to just be me and to write my blog.  That would cover my basic costs and then I could take up a new sport and volunteer!

And remember folks, the contest is still on!  Fifteen comments on one blog entry – I draw (at random!) a winner from the commenters and that person gets many New Yorkers!  My writers’ group people didn’t seem to think this was such a great prize but I do!  The New Yorker, people! 

Anyway, thank you for reading my less than happy happy blog entry.  And let”s not forget – UBC needs me for three weeks in August so if I can just wait 4 months and then live off of 3 weeks of work for the next 49 weeks, I should be fine.  Hey!  I love UBC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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2 Responses to “Hello.”

  1. Maggie Morris April 3, 2012 at 10:42 pm #

    Karen, the wee ones are looking forward to seeing you but I should let you know you will have some diaper changing duties to carry out…

    • jobsearchinginvancouver April 3, 2012 at 11:44 pm #

      I change no diapers. There has to be some reward for my life and that is it. Oh and Quill and Quire magazine is also a good choice.

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