Insomnia and Shrove Tuesday pancakes

5 Mar

Today is Shrove Tuesday, something celebrated by various Christian denominations, including the United Church.  Not evangelical churches though it seems – my formerly evangelical friend had never heard of it.  Fair enough, I hadn’t either when I was with that particular tribe of folks, singing the songs and raising my hands.

Anyway, Shrove Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday, which is the start of Lent.  I just read that its origins are over 1,000 years old.  It was a day to use up fats and sugars before the 40 days of Lent.  This is apparently why people have pancake suppers.  The church I work at is having one but I am not going because:  a.) I don’t want to b.) pancakes for supper, I can’t do it.  I mean I could but really I have to save eating sweet things till just before bed when I can get the maximum insomnia from them.

However, I may check out Centering Prayer at said church tonight.  They do spell it the American way which seems wrong somehow but I must accept.  SInce I loved Healing Touch so much (and am having another session on Monday afternoon), I thought Centering Prayer was a good bet.  It’s run by the same folks who run HT, some great women.

“You know,” I said to one of them who popped into the church office today , “Some evangelicals think Healing Touch is cultish.”

“Oh,” she said.

I read up on the reasons behind that cultish thinking and I can see why evangelicals might think that.  When I was in the tribe I probably would have thought so too but may have gone to HT anyway kinda on the sly.  “Where are you going, Karen,” people would ask.

“Nowhere,” I would respond, “And certainly not to Healing Touch.”

“Good because that is cultish.”

“Totally.”

That is how that conversation might have gone.

I am enjoying learning about the thousand year old traditions/rituals of the church.

How’s the church worker job, asks my wee fan base.

Well, well, I don’t know.  I still haven’t found out about passing my probation, which is up at the end of the month.  Everything is very vague, vague, vague, vague.  I do know that I’m quite busy now with this and that at the job, which is good in a way.  But I find it all stressful (of course!) because I’m kinda terrified of doing a not great job.  Weird.  And again, the alone factor is just vaguely mind blowing to me.  It’s kinda wretched.  Also I never really know what will be asked of me – that is part of being a church administrator person though –  but I’m not big on surprises like that.  The inefficiency of the probation is annoying though but I don’t want to make waves on that one;  I will just wait it out.  I mean I also – I don’t know if my anxiety would be reduced by going back to work (and looking for work first) at an ESL school again.  Or if my anxiety is just part of how it is, wherever I am.  I mean I’d greatly enjoy the interaction with other people (ESL teaching has a whole lot of that – with other teachers, with the students).  I would never take that for granted again that’s for sure.  And I’d feel on steadier feet doing something I know that I can do – and yet – I don’t know; I’m not sure such jobs are too easy to9 come by anymore.  So what I’m really doing I have to say is just waiting it all out.  I do this a lot it seems.  Worst comes to worst I’m back out there on the looking for ESL work thing.  And as summer is coming, something would eventually come up.  But it would be back to that rollercoaster again as well.

I really had no idea just how much is expected of a church secretary (er, I prefer administrator) by everyone and their dog.  Some folks are really nice though, don’t get me wrong.  I’m kinda starting to understand why the previous admin person, who was there for 15! years, left with some bitterness.  And the minister she was working with (the new one started when I did) was there every weekday with her, while mine works from home on Wednesdays and isn’t in the office on Mondays and Tuesdays, though he can stalk me on google chat.  “It’s like you’re his executive assistant,” noted the children’s minister today.  “Exactly,:” I said.  I’m realizing that he misses the executive assistant that he had at his former church.  I suspect she is a calm cookie with great, well, administrative skills.  They are twitter friends for goodness sakes.

Oh, insomnia.  It is still rearing it’s really really ugly head.  I sleep very lightly, then wake up about 2 or 3 am and don’t go back to sleep in any really deep way.  Ugh.  UGH.    And finally,  ugh.  Not much more to say about that other than it messes up everything on earth ever. I’d be happy to be rid of it.

In other excitement the walk-in doctor couldn’t find the tiny sliver of glass in my foot.  She told me I could go to the ER but that seems like a dramatic use of 10 hours of time.  I mean I could call an ambulance but that seems odd.  I shall merely hobble around is what I’ll do.

What else?  Well, tomorrow after the first job I have an appointment and then time to kill at the library instead of busing it all the way home and then teaching.  Thursday another afternoon appointment and Friday evening I am volunteering at the Rogue Folk Club so I can see these guys for free:  http://www.roguefolk.bc.ca/concerts/ev14030720.  I hadn’t heard of them but it sounds great.  And on March 22nd:  http://www.roguefolk.bc.ca/concerts/ev14032220 – that one I am really looking forward to.

I should go swimming now; it helps the ramped up insomnia feeling.  But alas, I am too tired to.  Perhaps Centering Prayer tonight.

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