big feelings, elderly parent going downhill on the Prairies and such

Dad is not downhill skiing.  Rather, he is going downhill.  Rapidly.  Suffice to say great denial on his part, male part surgery a few months ago, a UTI (TMI on the UTI) and falling and denying and falling and odours and everything is everywhere and he’s lost his mind.

Finally he fell and was too weak to get up.  And so, ambulance.  He’s been in the ER in Winnipeg for the past two nights – on IV antibiotics and is very weak and is being assessed. He, of course, wants to go home.  No no no no no.

and finally no.

Talk of some home care, thank goodness.  My sister thinks a walker might be recommended but dad will say no to that.  His desperation is deep.  He is terrified at having to move out of the house.  He’s had a rough go the old man – his wife of 54 years dying, his own downhillness on top of his usual anxiety disorder and vague craziness.

Sister Sherri is in Ottawa, I am here and falling dad is in Winnipeg.  The ups and downs with mom the last year of her life were insane.  We thought there’d be a respite but no.  Here comes dad to up and down.

And down.

Sister Sherri, as she did with mom, is on top of calling the doctors and the ER people and dad’s friend, B.  Thank God for B.  He is odd, his wife is odd but they are there for dad.

So yeah odd but he has been helpful, B.  Thank you, B.

B. does not read the blog.

Anyway, I could do a whole blog entry or 10 on sister Sherri’s greater role and my need to crawl under a rock but I will not.

Big feelings.  I am having big feelings.  Big anxious, grief feelings.  I don’t know what to do about that.

I am not comfortable with my big feelings.  I can’t run away even though what I want to do is jump out of my skin.

People do this every day of course, deal with the downhillness of their elderly parents.

B.  is ‘taking care’ of the house although I don’t think there is much to take care of.

“It reeks of urine,” he told my sister who told me. (Too much information for the blog?).

Home care is hopefully being set up while he is being assessed.

So I have big feelings.  All the mom stuff is dredged up from where it has gone which isn’t far.  I get that people go through this every day, elderly parent stuff.  Probably twice a day (half an hour later in Newfoundland).  My big feelings really hate it.  It’s like a big pit of big pit-ness.

And such like that.

So my UBC job ended on Friday and there was the usual lunch with the students which involve endless speeches (very nice for the students though), crying on some of their parts, and eventually, hamburgers.  By the time the hamburgers come out the students and everyone else is ravenous.

Oh I’m thankful for the hamburgers and the chips.

It was exhausting though and I was thrumming from the grief of another job ending, the dad thing and my usual.   So I’m back on the job hunt and living off of my savings.  Same old, same old although up until this point I’ve always had a bit of EI EI O.

There’s a possibility of a part-time teaching gig downtown but I’m not thrumming with excitement about it.  It’s not my thing constantly going into new job situations.  This downtown school seems very slightly less exploitative than the rest, so we shall see.

The Glenda is delightfully back from almost three months on Hornby Island so she and me and her sister Gloria got together and went to the PNE.  This exhausted us (the crowds, the rides, the deep fried everything) but I came away with some well priced 2100 count bedsheets.  I haven’t bought bedsheets in a long time, due to chronic unemployment or something.  But these are divine.  Later, spent, we sat on chairs set up in front of a guy doing displays of his $3200 pots and pans and etc.  While we were there, a couple and their daughter bought the $3200 pots and pans and etc.  You could kind of tell the guy was thrilled with this sale but was attempting to not get hysterical about it.

Then we went to Superstore as Glenda needed groceries. This was lovely because I don’t have a car so it is always an epic event to go to the evil Superstore.  We agreed to meet at the exit.  Glenda and Gloria show up empty handed.

What happened, I asked.

Seems they were tired and waited 8 zillion hours in line and put all their stuff on the conveyor belt and then the cashier said, you’ll have to go to another line up because this price check is going to take two days.

So they abandoned their stuff.

I am so so sorry, I said.

It’s okay, said Glenda.

They dropped me off and headed out to go grocery shopping.




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