Archive | October, 2014

waiting

21 Oct

I do a lot of waiting it seems.  Waiting for the bus.  Waiting for a response to some resume or other I’ve sent off to somewhere or another.

A lot of waiting.

I had an appointment today;  it got cancelled for a reason or two this morning.  Well, at least I wasn’t kept waiting for someone who wasn’t going to show up at all.

It is hard to discern the fine line between self-pity and not self-pity as I am in this waiting place.  I am teaching tonight but that is not for hours.  The weather is rainy and cold so I’m not eager to get out there any time soon.  But I will, I will to get my body moving in some form or another.  Then I’ll be early at Langara and a bit more waiting.

Waiting.

What did Renee Zellweger do to her face and why did she do it, is the question.

I shake and quake in my boots sometimes.

Waiting.

Waiting to write – imagine the writing I could get done if I did it every day.  Even morning pages.  Anyone do morning pages?

I have less brilliance today, ha.

What else, what else.

Oh Renee is not confirming she has had work done but come on now.  I don’t think her face naturally completely changed.  If it did, interesting.

Oh Sharon Osborne thinks that Renee had her eye lids lowered.  Makes sense.

I’ve been applying for odd jobs like working at London Drugs but I haven’t heard back yet.  Not surprising

Yes, Renee no longer has an endearing face they are saying.  That seems true.

The heat doesn’t come on in my apartment too much when it is cold.  That is odd.

Oh Julie Chen is over 45 years old come on now.

Okay, I obviously have nothing exciting to contribute her to wordpress and so I will stop.  As you were.

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Who isn’t talking turkey?

13 Oct

Oh, tragically I am not.  My usual people who cook turkey are as such this year:

M:  Had her entire family over and that was a whole lot of people.

G:  Gone to her home on Hornby Island.

T:  Busy, exhausted and the like.

C:  With her family.

Alas, no turkey.

“Could you make a turkey?” asked A.T.

Well, I said, I did make a turkey once in 1994.  Tis true.  I was in Medicine Hat being a reporter before the internet holy cow and decided to have a few people over – an ex-boyfriend, a fellow who is now the editor of the Vancouver Courier and has thus provided me with $200 worth of freelancing in two years or so.  Thank you, B.  All work appreciated.  Oh and a couple of other people I think.

My editor had given me a pie, a recipe to cook turkey in like a bag, the bag and more advice.  Other people brought stuff.  The turkey wasn’t thawed completely in the morning so I had to call my mom long distance to find out which end was the butt end of the whole situation.

“Come on, Karen!” she said.

“I cannot tell,” I said.

The turkey turned out well as I recall.

Anyway, I wouldn’t have had folks to invite as they are all as above.

Sad state of affairs, yes?  Having no family is never more apparent to me than during holidays when everyone is spending time with their families.  Not always happily I realize.

Speaking of families, my brother-in-law S., is now in Winnipeg getting my hospitalized father sorted out and the house and such and then bringing him on the plane to Ottawa to his room at a lovely assisted living facility.  It is 800 times better than a nursing home.  My sister sent me a photo that S. had sent to her of dad and it seems he now has a goatee which he has never had before.  I think they must be shaving him that way.  Looks fine.  The house is a huge undertaking as there is almost 50 years worth of stuff in there.  Yikes.  So a big thank you to S.

I went to the Vineyard church again this morning.  Was too cold for cycling for me (gack, end of cycling season, no no no) so I took a Car-2-Go which I can’t afford and will take the bus from now on.  Anyway, there was a celebration of sorts today for folks who had been serving chili to the homeless et al in a local park for 22 years.  For various reasons it has had to shut down.  But for 22 years every Tuesday night without fail (even if a Tuesday landed on Christmas Day) these folks served.  Kind of mind blowing really.  There were no barriers – anyone could come for chili – the rich, the poor, the high, the low, etc.  Years ago (1995!) I did a story on it for the Vancouver Courier and I went and volunteered for an evening.  It too was a huge undertaking done week after week, year in and year out.

Inspiring.

After the service, there was like a tea with various and sundry sandwiches and desserts.  I partook.

“Hmmm,” I said, “I think there was fish in that sandwich.  My ears are itchy.”

That’s a bit tricky but no closing airways as of yet.

I appreciated the hospitality and the company.

Oh, holidays.

What is up in insomnia land.  Well, I am still waking up in the middle of the night every night and not going much back to sleep.  The more this happens it seems the more it happens.  Crazy making really.  Leaves me feeling sick.  Had a nightmare last night about G.  Weird.

I’m still trying to decide if my orchid is dead.  I think so but there are still flowers on it but they look sad and no more flowers have grown, just wee little dead looking buds.

It is now pouring outside and dark.  Yup.  I get waaaaay out of shape in the fall and winter, after a spring/summer of obsessive bicycle riding.  I hear tell that there will be sun on Tuesday and only Tuesday, so let’s get out there.

I played Scrabble yesterday with members of the meetup.com group.  Schlepped to North Burnaby where I lived 26 years ago when I was going to SFU.  That was a great time that year at SFU – that’s when I met M. of the big family dinners.  Time flies like a crazy flying thing.  One of the women in the group is also an ESL teacher and works sporadically like me.  She’s in her 50s so it is perhaps even more dire for her.  She smartly has a roommate so is less stressed when the slow season comes.

I just played a seven letter word on FB scrabble in a game with M. which I hardly ever do – icemaker was the word, with the e I think all ready there.  Hurrah.

Yup.  When I go out and interact with people I am in a much better head space to, well, exist.  That is a fact.

Lots of people sniffling and coughing these days, especially on the buses I was on all weekend (it seemed like a lot, more than usual due to the non-cycling season of which I spoke of earlier).  When I get sick, I’m like gack, I will never get better.  The last time was in the summer when I had laryngitis while teaching Explore.

So there we have it.  Tuesday I’m back to three days of 1.5 hours of subbing! each day at a decent downtown school and my two night classes.  More will open up or it will not type thing

While I was in Burnaby before Scrabbling, I went into the McGill Library that I went to years and years ago.  That was an all right thing to do.

They had the book, Chicken Soup for Recovering from Traumatic Brain Injuries.  While I in general don’t like the Chicken Soup phenomenon (really conservative Christians started it and now try to Amway it is my understanding) but I’m obsessed a bit with people with TBIs.  Not in a bad or exploitative way I don’t think, just in an interested way.

R., my across the street neighbour, is a cycling helmet fanatic.  I wear one because it is the law here.

R., I say, if a car hits me at full speed my little helmet isn’t going to help me.

And it isn’t but when I wear one, I get the illusion of more safety.

Anyway, that’s about it I think.  Stream of consciousness done.  Worry not, I think I have plans for Christmas, which is good, because that is mom passing anniversary time.

Well, yup.

11 Oct

tracytent

Fun summer times.

Laughing in a tent in my friend’s yard.

Almost lived right in that moment.

Yup.

Books, you say.

Read Ann-Marie MacDonald’s, “Adult Onset.”

My new computer is super slow, even the typing which sometimes jumps to other lines.

Gack.

Watch, “Please Like Me” from Australia on Youtube.

Eat pie.

Watch The Good Wife (sort of.  I’m still not crazy about Julianna).

Read “Creative Non Fiction” magazine.

Fingerpaint.

Awesome that.

Hands covered in green paint.

Thank.

Your sister for getting dad into assisted living and getting all the furniture and doing everything and brother-in-law going out to Winnipeg to get him and bring him back to Ottawa.

Stop.

Doubting yourself so much that you don’t get much of anything done.

Listen to this podcast.

BBC’s Ouch:  Disability Talk Show.  Not what you might think.

Be annoyed by but come to accept.

The rains and clouds in Vancouver for the next five months.

Accept.

Rather than obsess about what I cannot change.

Join AA maybe.

Not because you are an alcoholic.

But because they are learning

to accept and change what they can and the wisdom difference thing.

Marvel.

That you survived that last wisdom tooth being pulled out when the dentist couldn’t quite get it all for hours.

And had to x-ray in the middle of it all.

And I said, hey leave some of it in if you like, it has gotta be better than what is going on here.

Bring her and her people a box of chocolates the next day.

To thank them for finally getting all the little bits out.

Try to save.

To be able to get a cleaning of teeth again.

And a new toothbrush and a professional mouth guard cleaning.

Listen.

To Stevie Nicks.

Ride.

Your bicycle but get massages to help pull your shoulders from your ears.

Wonder.

Why.

Work.

An hour and a half a day if that is all they will give you.

Write.

A blog and maybe something new for the Vancouver Courier but keep it a secret till you know for sure.  This one involves interviewing someone and telling their story.  And that is what I like to do.  Out of my head and into the head of this other person I hope I hope.

Would be an honour to tell that story.  The woman is 90 and appears to have a better memory than I do.

Can’t remember her name at the moment.

But she was a radio operator in World War II.

Somewhere out east.

Marvel

at the cool people you get to meet.

Some have the most random stories.

Tell.

A joke that makes me laugh.

Thank

M. for the Kobo Vox.

Learn.

How to use a Smartboard from the 1.5 hour job.

Make.

A collage of Roman sculpture pictures you got from that sale.  Men were men then, albeit with small male parts.

Remember.

That word you forgot.  And how to spell occasion which you can never ever remember.

Drink.

A lot of water and then pee.

Pee.

A lot.  No shame, no shame.

Be amazed.

That the earth doesn’t forget to move into autumn.  Does it not want to collapse a bit with old age and global warming and just forget sometimes.

There was something I needed to do, thinks the earth.

Oh right, change seasons.

Read.

Rumi, the Guesthouse and probably anything he ever wrote.

Wonder.

Why Gwyneth Paltrow got to meet the president.

Sing.

Along to Annie freakin amazing Lennox.

Be

Bored.  It’s okay.

Eat.

A pie once in awhile.

Watch.

Grey’s Anatomy even though it is no longer what it was.

Think about.

Europe.

And Dale I’m coming back get the spare room ready I’ll be in bed by 10 every night and I like English food one of the few who do and I still haven’t forgotten the vegan shepherds’ pie you made me in 2006.  And OMG the vegan muffins were so good.

Cry.

That’s okay.

And again.

Fingerpaint.

Who knew.

No need.

To be an introvert when you’re not.

Remember.

Kits. Pool opens in seven months-ish.

Live.

In a moment even when you can’t.

Be heart stoppingly proud.

Of your niece.

Whose job it will be to visit your father 18 hours a day.

Ha.

That was a joke.

Be thrilled.

When she sends you a note and ends it, love you!

Read.

The Guardian online.

That’s what I have tonight.

Carry on.

As you were.