Well, darned it if hasn’t been two months since last I updated.
Wee fan base! Have you missed me?
What is new?
It is cold here in Vancouver now – brrrr. Some snow and going down to -8C here tonight. Balmy compared to every other province but it is a wet cold. Yup.
As such, my regular bicycling has gone out the window. Too icy out there. I’ve gone to the local recreation centre a couple of times to ride the indoor bicycle but I haven’t been consistent. I am walking a lot so that is good.
I look forward to cycling season again – it is supposed to warm up considerably next week so that might help de-ice things.
Work? You ask. The boss at the downtown school – she who won’t give me classes but will throw me say seven hours a week – just sent the most passive aggressive e-mail. She had wanted volunteers to help chaperone the downtown school’s xmas party. She had wanted teachers to volunteer. Three did (one of whom, like me, has been shunned and is getting few hours. Heck, maybe she’ll get more now). So she just sent out an e-mail saying thanks so much to them for their team spirit. It is hard to express adequately how much of a ‘to heck with those of you who wouldn’t come and help for free” was oozing out of that e-mail.
Anyhoo. Blah blah.
So, yeah, I’m not really working at all. My Chinese teenage tutees have stopped until mid January and my most consistent one, D, will be completely done in April when she goes to Japan for the rest of the semester on a student exchange.
I could have had six weeks of work at Langara College in Feb. but had to turn it down for various reasons.
I am so so tired of my unemployed story! I don’t really have anything new to add about it. I have thought many times about simply quitting the downtown school – I am hanging there by my fingernails and it is draining and humiliating really.
Oh I tried to be a closed captioning transcriptionist today but that didn’t work out too well. That is a lot harder than you would think! Uh well, I gave it a try.
Those of you who have followed my blog here for awhile may note that I have been writing it for more than five years, since I first became unemployed. And here we are – going into the sixth year of it all! I have survived doing this and that but really, hmmm, feels like enough.
Smells like teen spirit.
Hmmm? What? Huh?
There was a woman on the bus tonight talking to someone on her cell phone.
Well, she said, well yeah. When she gets anxious she loses all control. I looked at her. You talkin’ to me?!??!?!?! Ha, I did not actually say that.
Student D. came back from the downtown library’s washroom during her break.
“There’s a homeless guy talking to people – right over there.”
“Oh, yes,” I said. Not sure why she was just noticing that tonight. Many times when we are in the public area on the third floor, some street involved men start screaming at each other or the air or whatever until security (usually a short thin guy or a tiny woman) comes over and tries to calm the situation down. Usually it inflames it and there is screaming and I have my rights! and all sorts.
Yes, yes, I know, we are all just one pay cheque away from being a homeless man screaming in the library. Also, I am aware that not all homeless folks are screamers and not all screamers are poor.Some have nice cars and such.
But here is the thing though – I want to scream in the library. I want to scream things like “DOWNTOWN SCHOOL!!!!!!” “I COULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER” “SOMETIMES YOU TRY AND TRY AND THINGS DON’T GET BETTER!” “I LOVE DATE SQUARES!!!!!!” “PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE E-MAILS MAKES US ALL LESS THAN WE COULD BE!!!!” “KITS. POOL IS OPENING IN FIVE MONTHS AND A FEW DAYS!” “I’M TOO LIGHT FOR HEAVY WORK AND TOO HEAVY FOR LIGHT WORK!!!!!”
That last one I screamed there was a favourite saying of my father’s, the kingpin of all anxiety. The godfather of nervousness and essential tremors. The pope of freak outs. The man who knew for a good cigar. He had a great career – he was a math teacher and then a vice-principal and then a principal. Has a nice pension that covers his expenses at the Ottawa assisted living home. I guess he would have started his career in the 1960s. Students seemed to love him and always seemed envious of my being his daughter. I was always like, really? Is he not the kingpin of all anxiety and anger at school? Go figure. He was able to retire in his early 60s. I hasten to add that his anger has mainly morphed into his anxiety and old broken down man-ness now.
So I’m like him but I can’t seem to hold down a job which is frustrating beyond measure. I think if I could scream in the library about it sometimes that that would be helpful.”WHY DOESN’T LEMONADE COME OUT OF THE WATER FOUNTAINS HERE?!?!?!”
So much to shout about.
My hairdresser de-bigged my hair today. It needed this de-bigging. Did I have the day off, he asked, forgetting our earlier conversations. No, I said, remember, I don’t ever really work in that regular way that people have. He looked confused.
Mainly I scream in the library.
You can do that, he asked.
Kind of, I said.