Archive | March, 2017

When it rains, it rains

26 Mar

Yesterday there was sun and some warmth.  A little context:  this has been an odd winter with an unusual amount of snow and now mainly and only rain, rain, rain.  Heavy rain, light rain, heavier rain.  Etc.

So yesterday was the first sunny day in weeks.  I rode my bicycle for the first time in five weeks to Stanley Park to meet R. for a rather spontaneous park in the sun situation.  Lots of joggers catching up on their jogging.  Lots of families and prams, cyclists, dogs, cats, emus, donkeys and the like.  The weather forecast said that this was to be the one sunny day for a looooong time.

R. and I walked and talked -we both live alone and so quack quack quack when we get together.  So much talk wants to get out of my head.  We sat on a bench and it clouded over.  I had a hotdog.

R. went home a bit later and I rode my bicycle around the seawall and popped in to see C., L. and eventually J.  That was nice.  Then I grocery shopped and cycled home.

That was a lot of cycling after a long winter of none.

The rains are back today and are to hang around for the next four years – that kind of a thing.

Today I am free till three when I am going to a wee pop up study at Christ Church and then may stick around for the service after.  There is an hour in between those two things but I seem to have a lot of experience with split shifts.  Ha.

My UBC gig is done – I managed once all was said and done, to work three weeks and a day.  Yup.  My Langara gig is also done – it may run again at the end of May which of course would be at the exact time of some possible UBC work.  Tis how it goes.

I have 3.83333333 hours at the downtown school this week and should be getting both of my tutees back.  I haven’t seen my high school tutee in over a month – I was sick, working, and he was away for spring break.  I hope he remember we are meeting – I have lost his phone number and can’t text him.  Eeeek.  So this week there will be a lot of sitting around in the rain kind of a thing.  As per usual I guess.  That doesn’t seem to get easier or more productive or any of that.  I have a bit of E.I. for a few more weeks so that will help to calm the nervous system.  September is the time again I will really have to get thinking again.  September is dead everywhere and 3.833333 hours is not going to cut it.

Oy, I am bored with the whole thing.  Bored bored bored and finally, bored.  A few folks I worked with at UBC are going (separately) to Europe – Northern Spain, Morocco and such.  Envy envy.  Although I wonder if I am too lazy for travel now – are we done yet? Ha. Eeek.

Surely there is a narrative other than my down and out-ness.  Surely.  Hey, don’t call me Shirley!  Nothing wrong with it – it’s just not my name.

Ha ha.

Ninety minutes of my 3.833333333 hours are at 8 am tomorrow morning.  Uh yes.  Tis okay, I am used to getting up early again (I think).

 

My frustration is not new.  Boredom, isolation, blah blah blah.

Oh it is my birthday this week!  Hurrah – March 30th.  The year unimportant.  Ah heck, 51 years ago my (now departed, still miss her) mother was very pregnant.  In those days, she had long told me, they put her under and she woke up with a baby yet it was not a C-section.  Not sure how that worked.  Maybe they twilighted up the mother so that they wouldn’t remember the incredible pain of it all.  Mom was 35 years old, downright ancient for having a baby in those days.  My sister was 3.5 years old at the time.  I seem to have popped out quite cute with a head of dark hair.  I’m sure I looked around right after birth and thought, “I’m bored!  I’m isolated!”  Wah.

This 51st birthday shall be gently celebrated at Ye Old Spaghetti Factory for reasons I am not sure of.  I couldn’t think of a place that had disco dancing in the early evening so, well, the factory.  I think I went there a lot in my 20’s when I first moved to Vancouver. Nostalgia kind of a thing.  And the bread!  Is the bread not great there.  Garlic butter!  Salad!  Spaghetti!  Ice cream!  There is a factory in Winnipeg and I’m sure I went there growing up although Salisbury House is a place I remember more.

Fifty one!  Lordy be.  Nine years to sixty.  Now, now, enough of that.

Let me try to jolly things up a bit here on the old blog.  There is a woman in her 30’s who lives in my wee building who, when I talk about something from the 80s, always makes it a point to point out that she was either not born yet or very very young.  I now apologize to people I did the same thing to when I was in my 30s  and they were older.  Ha.  But yes, I get it, you are much, much younger than I am.   A lovely and talkative young woman and her partner is pretty cool too.

Jollying it up.

I will end with this oft-quote from my father:  “I am too light for heavy work and too heavy for light work.”  Indeed.

 

 

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Back for a visit

12 Mar

To the blog.

I wish I could say that the return means I am writing, writing, writing.

Nah.

I am bored, bored, bored.

I have been home for several days with an annoying virus that is mainly now a bad and annoying cough as well as general malaise and some weakness.  Back to work tomorrow after a bloody well week  (weak) off.

Even I am tired of the topic since it is all I am on about in my head – I do not do being sick well at all or sitting around on my own for lengthy periods of time.

For two months I’ve been excited about my four week teaching contract at a local university’s  ESL department I have been doing these for years on and off. ELI has four or three week short program in Feb./March and in the summer.  Sometimes, I am needed, sometimes not.  This year March is the time.  I was excited and anxious about it.  I went up a few times even before the four weeks started to pre-prepare.

I enjoyed the first week – it was exhausting but good – but bam, as of Sunday night last week, I was hit with an odd virus.  I thought at first I’d only need the Monday off and said as much which left folks in a bit of a lurch when I had to phone in again on Tuesday morning.  It started as a really odd and bad sore throat before morphing into the teacher’s nightmare of laryngitis and a cough.  I sounded and felt terrible.  There was scrambling to get subs both at the university and my evening job which has a few weeks left.  So annoying as I get paid for nothing when I am not actually working.  So I’ve lost I’d say about $1200 from this delightful seal bark cough.  Had this happened last month or even next month, it wouldn’t have mattered.  But boom bam right in the middle of my contract.

Oy.

I’m sure there are deep unconscious reasons why I get sick at the worst possible times.

Anxiety.

So there’s me not eating much, ears plugged, seal bark cough, lightheaded, sitting around obsessing about all of this and worrying about going back tomorrow still feeling rather lousy.  It is a full day shift – a couple of teaching hours, a long break and then 2.5 more hours.  I will also be working more full on later in the week to make up a bit of the time I missed.  And then one more Langara class (I have given the other one earlier in the week to the sub who we were very lucky to find).  On and on.

I went up to the university yesterday to do some preparation and that felt good.  It was good to get out and good to get ready – copies made for the first couple of days, that kind of a thing. I had the staff room and copiers all to myself.

My cough is just so bloody bad – I will bring up lozenges and water and and and but only so much I can do.  I do know that sitting around another day is not an option.  As I say, this much alone time while feeling lousy is really lousy.  Oy.

My anxiety around the whole thing is through the roof as I say.  Does it help to write about it?  Yes, because it gets it out of my head.  I know this about being sick – it is nearly impossible for me to deal with or so it feels.  On and on.

Oy.

So hopefully I will make it through the week of work without too much embarrassing damage – coughing myself into a tizzy or feeling weak and freaking out and having to leave (yes, my thoughts, my thoughts). GAH!!!!!!!!!

Oooh, I am just hearing on the news that the Canada Revenue Service has had to temporarily shutdown their internet filing due to potential for hacking.  Glad I got mine in and refund refunded. Phew.

I am trying to think of something relaxing to do this afternoon-evening that will help promote calm in my soul and in my body – that feels a bit far away right now.

Breathe Breathe Breathe.