Back for a visit

12 Mar

To the blog.

I wish I could say that the return means I am writing, writing, writing.

Nah.

I am bored, bored, bored.

I have been home for several days with an annoying virus that is mainly now a bad and annoying cough as well as general malaise and some weakness.  Back to work tomorrow after a bloody well week  (weak) off.

Even I am tired of the topic since it is all I am on about in my head – I do not do being sick well at all or sitting around on my own for lengthy periods of time.

For two months I’ve been excited about my four week teaching contract at a local university’s  ESL department I have been doing these for years on and off. ELI has four or three week short program in Feb./March and in the summer.  Sometimes, I am needed, sometimes not.  This year March is the time.  I was excited and anxious about it.  I went up a few times even before the four weeks started to pre-prepare.

I enjoyed the first week – it was exhausting but good – but bam, as of Sunday night last week, I was hit with an odd virus.  I thought at first I’d only need the Monday off and said as much which left folks in a bit of a lurch when I had to phone in again on Tuesday morning.  It started as a really odd and bad sore throat before morphing into the teacher’s nightmare of laryngitis and a cough.  I sounded and felt terrible.  There was scrambling to get subs both at the university and my evening job which has a few weeks left.  So annoying as I get paid for nothing when I am not actually working.  So I’ve lost I’d say about $1200 from this delightful seal bark cough.  Had this happened last month or even next month, it wouldn’t have mattered.  But boom bam right in the middle of my contract.

Oy.

I’m sure there are deep unconscious reasons why I get sick at the worst possible times.

Anxiety.

So there’s me not eating much, ears plugged, seal bark cough, lightheaded, sitting around obsessing about all of this and worrying about going back tomorrow still feeling rather lousy.  It is a full day shift – a couple of teaching hours, a long break and then 2.5 more hours.  I will also be working more full on later in the week to make up a bit of the time I missed.  And then one more Langara class (I have given the other one earlier in the week to the sub who we were very lucky to find).  On and on.

I went up to the university yesterday to do some preparation and that felt good.  It was good to get out and good to get ready – copies made for the first couple of days, that kind of a thing. I had the staff room and copiers all to myself.

My cough is just so bloody bad – I will bring up lozenges and water and and and but only so much I can do.  I do know that sitting around another day is not an option.  As I say, this much alone time while feeling lousy is really lousy.  Oy.

My anxiety around the whole thing is through the roof as I say.  Does it help to write about it?  Yes, because it gets it out of my head.  I know this about being sick – it is nearly impossible for me to deal with or so it feels.  On and on.

Oy.

So hopefully I will make it through the week of work without too much embarrassing damage – coughing myself into a tizzy or feeling weak and freaking out and having to leave (yes, my thoughts, my thoughts). GAH!!!!!!!!!

Oooh, I am just hearing on the news that the Canada Revenue Service has had to temporarily shutdown their internet filing due to potential for hacking.  Glad I got mine in and refund refunded. Phew.

I am trying to think of something relaxing to do this afternoon-evening that will help promote calm in my soul and in my body – that feels a bit far away right now.

Breathe Breathe Breathe.

 

 

 

 

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